the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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