Apparently you make a good broom.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
