Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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