Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
