Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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