Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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