Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
