I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
