I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
