Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
