he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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