I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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