easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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