I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
