i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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