Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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