if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
