My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
