im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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