shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I smell stomach acid.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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