im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
