Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
