I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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