Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
