I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
