I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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