In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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