i may or may not be watching the land before time
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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