yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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