just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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