The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
