i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
