I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm having to shit out rocks
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