My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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