I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
