Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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