Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
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You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
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I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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