He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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