I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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