If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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