if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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