My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
