I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
