We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
