hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
