If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
