somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
