Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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