I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?