I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
