My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
