Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
