do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
