I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
