Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
