Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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