we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
