'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
