Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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