the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
