I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
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We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
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The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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