I feel like abortions should bother me more
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
