I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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