I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I am available for nakedness
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
