I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
ok first of all what the fuck
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
