I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
