Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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