I have demons in me.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
