Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
