i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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