I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
