I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
