Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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